


It Was Pure...

by BENKA79



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel/Dean Winchester in Purgatory, Dean Winchester Prays to Castiel, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Romance, Season/Series 15
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-01-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:06:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22109074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BENKA79/pseuds/BENKA79
Summary: Dean and Cas go to Purgatory to find the Leviathan Blossoms. Is a quiet trip and Dean recalls why Purgatory was so pure to him. Cas proposed him a truce to work better, a very hard one. That's why Dean decides to pray to Cas when they come back to the bunker. Because the hunter can't use his words when the angel is front of him...
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 22
Kudos: 119





	It Was Pure...

**Author's Note:**

> Hi my friends! This is a one shot I wrote during the spn hiatus, is a post 15x08 canon divergent, based on my metas and my specs. I hope you enjoy!

They were there again. Purgatory.

Dean didn't know things were going to be like this… he had tried to talk with Cas, but he kept avoiding his gaze… so he engaged again, like the worst son of a bitch he was.

Wait… did he try to talk with him…? Or did he just act like nothing happened? Like he always does?

Dean wanted to shot his own brain. Okay! He was like that, he's always been like that! So what?

_ Shut up! _

The silence was consuming his ears.. Purgatory hadn't changed in all these years… some part of him wanted to stay right there and some other part… wanted to run away and come back to the bunker…

And Cas was walking behind him… silent. He didn't say a word. Okay… they barely talked to each other… after the… separation they had.

_ I should stop fighting and… maybe… _

That's why he was so terrified to come back here with Cas… every repressed thought in his head became clear… authentic… unique… that's why he had discovered he was in love with Cas when he prayed to him every night, when he wanted to come back home holding hands with the angel like a freaking Hallmark movie. 

Everything was so clear in his head again… so pure…

Maybe… with one  _ I'm sorry… _

"I know where the flower is, We need to get to that river… " suddenly Dean heard Castiel behind him, the hunter turned around to watch him, "If you recall that place..." Cas wasn't looking at him. 

Of course he recalled that place…

"Fine," Dean was just able to say, and Cas approached him with heavy steps. He looked at him just for a brief moment, and then buffing as if he felt tired, he spoke.

"We're not working well like this, Dean. The team needs to be strong for this mission,"  _ Right, is always about the mission _ …"So… I propose a truce…"

Dean blinked, "A …  _ truce _ ?" 

"Yes," replied the angel, "We stop fighting, and just try to work focus. When this is over and we defeat Chuck, we don't have to keep seeing each other anymore. I'll come back to Heaven, I will try to convince Michael to come back with me. So…" Castiel wasn't looking at him, and Dean felt a knife carving inside his chest, each word Cas was saying sounded logical, but still… he couldn't stop the pain growing in his heart, "When you or Sam need me, I'll come... I think that's for the best."

_ When I need you? I need you right now. I need you forever. _

Dean swallowed when Cas crossed gazes with him, waiting for his response.

The hunter didn't know why, but he nodded, then Cas did the same, dropping his eyes to the ground, and walked passing by him. He took the guide position, and they restarted the search.

_ Silence again. _

And all those pure realizations coming to his mind like a storm… things Dean already knew deep inside of him, but day after day he learned to repress… why did he done this? Why he had to push Cas away? Why did he said  _ YOU ARE DEAD TO ME? _

He thought maybe Cas would forget that... but he didn't…

_ "I AM DEAD TO YOU" _

He didn't…

He lost his mother… Chuck controlling their lives like puppets was a nightmare… but Cas… Cas was  _ real _ .

Then…  _ why _ ?

You always hurt who you love the most…

_ Because you are poison… you are toxic… _

Dean watched the angel's back, walking through the dark woods, they weren't friends anymore, were they?

_ WE DIDN'T BOND. _

His body trembled at the idea of never been friends with Cas again… he screwed it…

Even if he say  _ I'm sorry,  _ things won't be like before …

_ You lost him too, Dean. _

Still silence… and there was the river.

Dean stopped, contemplating that place, they were standing in the same spots last time when they were there, by the river… so many memories… so many realizations… and then he saw Cas, showered by the dim light of that night, smolder figure, looking back at him, head tilted.

Oh Lord… Dean loved Castiel so damn much… and it hurts to death.

The hunter gulped slowly. His eyes fixed on Castiel's impossible blues. The angel couldn't stand that, and he drifted his eyes to the river. Then he pointed close to it.

"There they are… the Leviathan blossoms," Dean blinked, as if he was waking up from a dream, and approached the flowers. He opened his backpack, and then he kneeled. Cas did the same.

Both of them trying to take that flower, slowly, delicately. Cas stared at Dean, he seemed focused on doing that well. It was a big flower, and they wanted it entirely, the roots too, a sad feeling invaded his chest and then he came back to that flower.

Their hands were so close, almost rubbing each other. Dean glared at him, and he was so into taking that flower with his delicate and long fingers, he just wanted…

"The roots are free," announced the angel and he gave a quick glance to the hunter.

"Yes, I... I think we should take some more… we have a couple of minutes."

"Fine," Castiel stood up, searching for another flower and he found it quickly. Dean watched him walking a few steps away from him. That void in his heart began to question him a lot of unanswered ideas.

He searched another by his own, and he found one too, a little far away from him.

_ Cas will leave him… eventually… _

He didn't want that, he didn't want Cas away from him.

Was Cas regretting everything? Everything he'd done for them? For Dean? 

Was Cas choice to rescuing him? To rebel against Heaven freely or… just because it was written? Oh… that was his biggest fear right now.

_ It wasn't real. Anything was real. _

The knife carving his chest went deeper and deeper…

He saw Castiel carrying the flower, walking back. Dean had his new flower ready too. He opened the bag and both of them put the flowers there.

Silence again. Coming back to the rift. Dean was guiding now. Struggling with all the ideas swimming in his mind. 

They were in front of the rift, and Dean turned around to see Castiel. 

"So… you will leave us… after all this ends?" He asked, and he didn't know why. It was just… things he needed to say before crossing that rift. Things that he wanted to say in that place. Fears he had inside, playing with his soul.

Cas gave a deep breath, and looked away, "I will leave. Not leaving you or your brother… just…" Cas buffed exhausted… Dean recalled the truce and he knew Cas was trying hard not to fight again. Him and his stupid questions …  _ fears _ …

Dean swallowed. For him it was the same. Not having Castiel around… was… it was…

"Do you regret it?" Asked Dean, when he saw Cas was about to cross the rift. 

The angel cocked his head to a side, and narrowed his eyes confused. Why was Dean asking all these questions now? In that place? In a moment like this? Okay, they still had a few minutes and they were just standing in front of the rift… but… why was Dean like this?

Dean was looking at Castiel, his chest moving, as if it was very difficult to breathe.

"Regret  _ what _ ?" repeated Cas, drifting his eyes to the ground.

"Everything… rebel against Heaven… everything…" named Dean, waving his hand, his chest aching like if he was sick, "Rescuing me from Hell…" where did all those words come from? Dean opened his eyes widely, he didn't even  _ think  _ about asking that. He watched Castiel now, the angel was surprised, glaring at him, lips parted.

"No, I don't." He answered quickly, then he gave one step forward to Dean, and tilting his head, he stared at him like that first time in the barn, the hunter's heart skipped a beat, "I'd made a lot of mistakes in my entire existence, and believe me, it’s a large one, and of those I regret…" Castiel's eyes were full of love and fondness, Dean forgot how to breathe right there, "What I will never regret… is the fact that I rescued you from Hell… and rebel against Heaven… for you…" the angel blinked nervously, then he turned away, walking to the rift again, he added, "And for your brother… let's go now." And without any further ado, he crossed that rift.

Dean’s heart raced like crazy. When he watched how Cas was gone, he breathed again, and followed him too.

//////

The spell was almost ready, they needed a couple of more hours and prepare a good plan. 

Dean was locked in his room, trying to process the whole trip with Cas to Purgatory.

What was pure in his heart now? He saw love in those eyes, and he couldn't forget it now.

Dean ran a hand over his face, and glancing to the ceiling, he sat on his bed.

He will do it, right? He knew it. That sensation of strong longing… he was a mess in front of Cas. He couldn't find the words… he just couldn't… and he ended up by screwing everything… so… even if it means begging him… he will pray to him…

Even knowing Cas was somewhere in the bunker… he didn't care… 

Because he couldn't just watch the love of his life leaving again… just because he was a coward and toxic son of a bitch.

_ So… _

"Hey Cas…" he started, so nervous, he could feel his heart in his own throat, "I… I need to say this now… I know is childish to use a prayer but… I… I just needed to try this because…" Dean pursed his lips distressfully, and rubbed his nape, "I… I'm sorry… those words I said… everything I did to push you away… I was mad, and scared… because of Mom… and then Chuck, but you… you had always been by our side…" he grimaced exhausted of not using the right words, "by  _ my _ side…, and … I was selfish… I was mourning and I didn't notice you were mourning too… I'm sorry, I really… I said things I didn't want to… like…" Dean swallowed, "You could never been dead to me, never... because when you died, I… " Dean had to stop right there, the mere remembrance of his own pain when Cas was dead, made him sob, and unshed tears appeared in his eyes, "I was a dead man walking…" Dean huffed a little chuckle, "The thing is…" he sighed slowly, feeling how every drop of blood in his body ran to his face, closing his eyes, biting his lower lip, and sighing again, He said "I wouldn't stand if… the things you did for me, those things that changed my life, that made me feel I worth something… that made me feel special… I wouldn't stand to know all those things were written by Chuck, because I swear, all of that was… those things… I need that to be real Cas, because you're too real to me, because I..." Dean stopped and swallowed,"Because I love you Cas… I'm  _ in love _ with you, and I act like a dumbass because of that… because I don't know how to do it… I don't know how…" he raised his eyes to the ceiling, "Don't hate me for this, if you don't feel the same, just ignore me,  _ damn… _ " Dean rubbed his hair, and lowered his face ashamed, "I just need to know you choose me because you wanted to, because.." he felt someone suddenly opened the door and entered in his room, it was Cas.

Castiel was breathing hard, his eyes wide open, fixed on Dean.

The hunter gulped, "Cas…" he murmured.

Cas closed the door behind him without taking off his eyes from Dean. 

He stood up from his bed slowly. His heart was pounding hard in his chest.

"I did it for you," Castiel answered, he gave a couple of steps forward, "I choose you, Everytime, I rebelled for you, I…" Cas dropped his eyes to the ground, and waving his hand to pointed, he continued, "And I would do it again and again...and again…" Castiel was staring at Dean, fondly, "Because I love you… I love you too, Dean."

Dean felt his legs like jelly, but he took courage from somewhere inside his body, and giving two, three steps, he cupped Castiel's face in his hands and pressed a sweet and needy kiss over his lips.

Cas melt under the hunter's touch, and took him by the hips strongly, pushing him against him.

Dean cut the kiss, to contemplate that beautiful face he loved so much, "I don't want a truce… I don't want you to leave… never again…" the hunter murmured, and Cas smiled.

"Okay… I won't… I'll stay" whispered the angel, and Dean kissed him again, this time more passionately. 

Dean moaned, and Castiel pushed him more and more against his body. That was exquisite.

"How much time do we have?" Asked Dean, reaching for Castiel's neck, kissing his sweet and unexplored skin.

"Like… two hours…" murmured Cas, trying to suppress a whimper.

Dean smirked, and pushed him away just a little to focus in his blues, he whispered "So… we have time…"

Cas blinked flustered. He understood what that meant. 

Dean grabbed Castiel's tie, inviting him to his bed. 

The angel followed him in awe, and both of them laid down on the mattress.

Castiel fell on top of him.

"I'm sorry… did I hurt you?" Asked the angel. 

Dean chuckled and kissed him again.

"No, this is just  _ perfect _ ..."

/////

  
  



End file.
